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 Rules for the Love Lounge
This forum is provided for the mature discussion of heterosexual and homosexual issues and relationships. Abuse does not come without consequences.
Respect of fellow members is paramount. If you are seen disrespecting or objectifying another member or group of members (determined by the GSC staff), a first offense warrants post deletion and a warning. For a second violation you will be banned for 48 hours, and a third places all of your new posts under staff approval indefinitely.
If you post a perverse or juvenile topic (determined by the GSC staff), the thread will be immediately deleted and you will be warned. For a second violation, you will be banned for 48 hours, and a third places all of your new threads and posts under staff approval indefinitely.
If you would be slapped for saying aloud what you are posting to a member of the opposite sex, don't post it. Every member has that freedom in real life, but they do not here. Please respect them.
Finally, this forum is here for you, first and foremost. If you object or have a problem with any activity or member posting in this forum, please feel free to contact one of our staff members.
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L.O.V.E, I probably post on here to much |
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 Jul 5 2008, 09:40 PM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 102
Joined: 24-January 08
From: Greenfield, IN
Member No.: 20,131
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ok how long do you actually have to know someone to be in love with them, not infatuation, because that can happen the instant you lay your eyes on someone, thus the saying love at first sight, which I find utter bullshit. but I mean actual you want to spend the rest of your life with them love, unconditional, patient everything. Because I love this girl, she stopped talking to me, as most of you guys probably know, and all of a sudden my infatuation faded. and out of nowhere I actually loved her beyond that, I stopped putting her on this high ass pedistol and saw her for an actual human being and she was still amazing. but her 1 thing she yelled at me right before she broke up with me is that I haven't known her long enought to be in love with her. I have been acquantince with her for a year and a half friends for a year and dating for almost six months before she dumped me, should that be long enough for me to be in love with her, because it sure feels like it. I know it should take a while, and it has been a while, and it was just bugging me and her other excuse for dumping me is that she "is independant and can't be restricted" and I never once did that, I never dissallowed her to do anything at all, so that was udder BS on her part...so yeah, half venting half asking this question in here, any help or comments or anything will be much appreciated.
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Jul 7 2008, 05:47 PM
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The Crazy Guy, cuz normal is too boring  Group: Senior Member
Posts: 70
Joined: 6-July 08
From: Grand Rapids
Member No.: 22,213
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I think a year and a half is plenty of time to be able to discern between infatuation and love. The fact that you saw her for herself as a human and still found her amazing is just proof of that. I think the problem here has nothing at all to do with you, the problem, at least from what I've gathered, is that she doesn't seem to want to be loved, an indicator of this is that although you never imposed upon her freedom she felt she had none. For the time being the most you can do right now is to at least save your friendship, after all you were friends for a year before you started dating.
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Jul 7 2008, 06:39 PM
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Group: GSC Staff Member
Posts: 1,375
Joined: 22-May 08
From: orange county, ca
Member No.: 21,653
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I can't give you any good answers for you question, because in my belief love works in the strangest ways. I don't think its time, because time isn't really real. I think when a soul clicks, then you are in love. If your souls become attached, then it is love. I think you can be in love with someone if you love the person for who and what they are, from the moment you first met, til the moment you die. Knowing someone might take a while, and knowing almost everything about a person later on and still loving them is an amazing factor. I may just saying nonsense, but this is what I believe.
For her to say she doesn't want to be restricted, I see it as she wants to go out and experience other things before she is tied down to a relationship. It isn't you (thats what I think at least), more as she just wants to go off and do anything she wants before being committed.
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Jul 7 2008, 09:58 PM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 176
Joined: 6-June 08
From: New mexico
Member No.: 21,843
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First off, you should never put any person on a pedistol, that can make things bad for a future love life. For example, Lets say you have this girl that you love and shes high up on the "pedistol"of love. Everything after that will never meet your standerds no matter how hard you try. Once you have that mindset, it will always be like that on the back of your thus making it harder to meet another canidate you can fall in love with.
Secondly and most of important. Love has a different meaning for every individual. Love can be something as simple as 1st sight, or for another individual, it can be a feeling that has never been stronger for a year. Now chances are by a year in your shoes with this person, you indeed did fall in love with her. A simple smile could have brightened yourr day, but do you know if thats how she felt? Who knows, your best bet is to go off of trust. If you trust the other individual enough, then you should listen to her word and stick with it. Love sucks, and no one said it was going to be a walk in the park.
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 1 month vid comin soon..... |
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Jul 7 2008, 11:37 PM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 156
Joined: 4-June 08
From: Nowhere, Southern.
Member No.: 21,817
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A year and a half is fine, yes. But dont expect things to work forever.
Putting her on that high ground might not be what she's looking for. Sometimes, an equal view in the relationship is all that a girl can ask for. Its good that you can see her at her lowest and still care for her, but don't think that love is perfect. It might be if your crazy, but usually, things happen.
I know that when I was confronted with the "I dont want a relationship" thing, all I could do was give support, cause I saw the person the same way you do, you still care even if things go bad. If she honestly felt that way, and everything works out, or even if it doesn't, it will take time to regain any lost trust/emotions. Love isn't always obvious. After you get past the passion part, it's usually just a sense of security. That, and a love for even the worst of times, even though the other person may be trashing you completely.
If you need anything, IM Me. (Stubbidactyl). I have alot more to say but I can do it in AIM.
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Jul 8 2008, 06:12 AM
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,731
Joined: 5-April 07
From: Miami (305)
Member No.: 12,364
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damn, this is a very hard question to answer!!!
X time = love, not
uhmmm i cant say that there is a time line that can be set!!!
and there is a fine line between obssesed and in love, uhmmm i think and this is gonna sound way cheesey, difference between obssesion and love is letting go, i think obssesion equals no control over your feelings, no balance between feelings and reason, when your in love reason is important, love isnt the fact that you cant live without that special one, its being able to live with the same feelings although that person isnt with you, its havin to wish the best for your partner, family member or whoever it is that you have feelings for!!!
The reason i say that there is no time line, is because although you may fall in love in a second, your head my not know it, its still love but you dont know it, its pretty confusing, i think this is a subject thats a little more complicated than ppl believe it is!!! recognizing love is what takes time, some believe that they arent in love when they are, and some think they are in love when they arent!!
such a strong word that means everything, and implies so much!!!
i phail hard on romantical issues!!
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Jul 8 2008, 03:23 PM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 3,409
Joined: 9-September 07
From: Los Angeles
Member No.: 17,962
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funny, im already 24 and this lovey dovey stage .. i assume has passed by in my life . i would never feel like that again to another human being till the day i thought .. but then again .. i even had to google it up "is it possible to fall in love within 48hours?" . aint that ridiculous . funny ..
life is full of surprises and i guess we all are still learning with each day ..
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Jul 8 2008, 06:43 PM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 102
Joined: 24-January 08
From: Greenfield, IN
Member No.: 20,131
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Ooh thank you guys so much, this has helped, I'm attempting to salvage a friendship, but she is being kinda stingy about it because last time we talked I assumed that we were still together, because she never told me. and now she thinks that I will keep thinking that, I am prepared to let go for now, but I don't know about forever, I have been able to live normally without her, but it's still so much better with her there. So, I'll attempt to keep you guys updated with how that's going.
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Jul 8 2008, 08:07 PM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 3,409
Joined: 9-September 07
From: Los Angeles
Member No.: 17,962
Myspace
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you should listen to sum41's pieces .. rofl
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Jul 9 2008, 05:04 AM
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Group: Senior Member
Posts: 102
Joined: 24-January 08
From: Greenfield, IN
Member No.: 20,131
Myspace
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besides the fact that it is a good song, I never had to change, when she was happy, it was because I was just myself, not trying to be this perfect little being. but it's a good song either way lol. btw she is also the reason I got into glowstringing.
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