Hi people.

God, I honestly don't know where to start. It's my first time asking for advice over forums and I feel nervous D: .

Well, my mom's sorta cyberholic. She spends the whole day sitting in front of the computer. Nowadays, she barely talks to me or asks me how my day at school was, etc. There is litereally no communication between us.

I'm fourteen while my mom is now in her late fourties. She's been having crazy moodswings lately and I suppose it's due to her being menopausal. I decided to just deal with it as I know its not her fault and that its probably just hormones or whatever.

But recently things have been getting really out of control. My mom's been so paranoid and distrustful of me lately.

Just yesterday, I was sending over some notes to one of my classmates for a test tomorrow. It was pretty late and my mom started freaking out. She told me to call my friend to verify that I was actually sending her notes. I called her but my friend didn't pick up and my mom just blew off, thinking that I was lying to her and that I just wanted a few extra minutes online. However, my friend called back and talked to my mom about it.

But my mom still managed to find fault in me, telling me things like how come I can't put more effort into my studies than do all this shit.

I dunno why but my mom has issues with me wearing above-the-knees shorts (even if they're not that short). I'm currently living in Malaysia (summer all year round) and I find it more practical to wear shorts over jeans when I go out to the mall 'cos of the heat. She's scared that somehow my knickers would show (even though the shorts fit well) and whenever I'm near enough, she would lift up the back of my shirt to see if whether my knickers are showing. It's embarrassing as hell to have your mom lift up your shirt every five seconds or so (especially if you're in public). She even does that when I'm struggling with ten bags of groceries.

She also freaks out about nearly everything I do. Like when I loosen up my tie when I'm in my school uni -- even if it's after school. She insists I pull it up all the way up and walk around looking like some retard in the heat.

She criticizes me on everything I do. I understand that criticism can be helpful in building a person; but that's all she does. She hardly ever praises me or tries to give criticism in a nice way.

Recently, I've been worrying more about my image and the way I look. My mom hates it that I'm so self-conscious about my hair & whatever, and that it takes me three minutes to decide if I looks okay. She scolds me alot about it, telling me I should focus more on my studies rather than just wasting time.

I really do wanna do well in my studies and all but I just feel that she doesn't understand. I just can't help but get self-conscious about the way I look.

I don't go out with friends often because I'm tired of my mom kicking up a fuss everytime I go out. I stay at home during the holidays and I hardly ever go out. More often than not, my mom's just too lazy to drive me and is doesn't want to bother disturbing my friend's moms to drive me. She makes up excuse after excuse just so she can sit in front of the computer all day. I've tried tolerating that. Thinking that maybe she was genuinely tired, what with being all menopausal. But it's been a year and a half now and I do not know how long I can take this.

She makes up excuses to not see her friends and even her mother-in-law. She and dad have stopped talking. Deep down, I know that if it wasn't for me (what with being the only child), my parents would've long separated (since they're Catholics, they cannot divorce). They frequently argue and one time it got so bad that my mom nearly walked out on us. I remember I was around eleven. I was screaming and just begging her not to leave.

My mom tends to act on impulse without thinking of consequences. There was even one time where she threatened to kill herself. She and I were arguing and suddenly dad backed me up and she got pissed. I think she said something along the lines of "I might as well kill myself since my life's not worth living anymore." My dad had left me to take the remainder of luggage (at the time we were just about to drive off to go visit my grandmother) and he didn't hear her.

I kept my mouth shut for an hour. Then on the highway, I just started crying like mad. She made us panic when she didn't answer the phone. It got so bad that I had to ask my best friend's mom to drive by and ring the doorbell. Mom still didn't answer. Only when we reached grandma's did we manage to reach her.

I am honestly scared of confronting her or even having a heart-to-heart talk with her 'cos of her temper. I think I've mentioned that we hardly ever talk now and when we do, we're always arguing. I wanna go out with friends, I want to have mother-daughter moments and I want her to just ask how my day was.

It's driving me crazy. I have nobody at home to talk to -- my dad is always at work; my mom would rather the computer over me and I just glowstring in my bedroom.

I feel too ashamed and depressed to talk about this to my friends. All of them seem to come from happy families and I don't want them to worry about me. And sorry for the long post, I just need to let off some steam.

Don't even begin to apologize, la, for letting off some steam/venting-- isn't that what this forum is here for? And that's definitely what we're here for. My AIM is CeliraofWind and my MSN is windy_lira at hotmail, if you ever need someone to talk to.

But anyway. My relationship with my mom also tends to be kinda shite, but yours is a situation where there's not one first place anyone can tell you/suggest for you to start working on. I hope talking about it helped you, but you also seem mature and level-headed enough that there's no reason other than sheer parental paranoia for your mom to be so...crazy. I wish she'd tell you her point of view, but knowing parents, it's unlikely that she'll be calm and open about it.

You're strong for enduring it thus far, but no one should have to take it for so long. Your friends, I think, would help you out & get you out of the house if you really wanted to-- you shouldn't feel ashamed to talk to them about it. If they're truly good friends, they'll back you up. Try talking to a couple of relatives about it if all fails-- but probably as a last resort, because it sounds like your mom's the type to get indignant about being talked about behind her back.

Good luck, love <3

I'm not really that good at helping people but I just wanted to tell you that I grew up with a bi-polar mother and my father was always at work so he was hardly home. And It's still like that. I'm 18 and I live with my parents and I still put up with it.
Before, I hated being home and i was always scared to talk to my mom because i never knew if she was in a good mood or bad mood. She hardly ever let me go out and chill with my friends and my dad always took her side over mine just so they wouldn't argue. That has been happening for as long as I can remember so I feel you. I've just gotten use to it. My sisters always told me to just ignore it because thats how she's always been. Since I have been ignoring it, it doesnt really bother me that much. But I can see how it's hard for you since you're fourteen. but only 4 more years and you can do whatever the hell you want.
And yes, talk to your friends! They will feel for you and believe me, that will make it all better.

and i'm always hear for you! i'm hear to listen for anything you need..

Dude, you just made my problems seem about yay big : makes a size of a peanut: Major props for holding out as long as you have. Feel free to IM or pm me anytime. More than anything, you have friends and family here to keep you going. I know without GSC, I'd be gone a while back.

I agree with Lira. Try taking it up with a friend or two who you know you can really trust and see if they'd be willing to drag you out of the house.

Also, don't dismiss the idea of talking to your mom. It might take a month, a year or never, but try it. And if the temper explodes, run fast to your room, close the door and have a tower of dresses to lean against it like I do with my dad.

I don't mean to make light of the situation, but you are really strong to have survived as long as you have. this'll be your saving suit later in life. Try reaching out to your friends, or get a job. Finding any excuse to be out of the house is something I do often.

Feel free to drop me a line, and GL!

First off, props to you for putting up with this.

It sounds to me like your mom is having a really rough time adjusting to menopause. Anxiety/paranoia are common factors associated with that, and do settle down, but sometimes it takes a few years. In the meantime have you tried talking to your dad or other family member about the situation? You're not alone in this. I'm sure they've noticed a change in her as well and might have some advice on how to talk to her.

I agree with everyone that you should not feel ashamed to reach out to your friends. That's what friends are for.

Good luck. <3 hope things improve for you soon.

There is also a possibility that it's not just menopause--that your mom has a genuine psychological problem like obsessive compulsive disorder or severe depression. Or perhaps there's something troubling her inside like guilt from her past or a broken relationship. In any case, she may need to get professional help.

Another question that comes to mind is what is she doing online all the time? Does anyone in your family know? If she's neglecting her family and friends because of it, or acting suspicious and paranoid about it, she might be caught up in something harmful.

How's your relationship with your dad? I know you said he's always at work, but are the two of you close? Do you get along and can you communicate with him better than with your mom? I'd suggest trying to talk to him about it. Tell him you're really worried about the changes in your mom has over the last year or so. Ask if he sees the same things going on. Perhaps the two of you (and perhaps other relatives as well) can try to gently convince her to talk about what's going on. Try to avoid being confrontational, because that could make her even more defensive. You might also ask the counselors at your school for help, or even a teacher you trust. I don't know how things are in Malaysia, but hopefully there is someone there who is trained to help students with this sort of thing.

I also agree with the others that it's ok to talk to your friends about it and they should be supporting you, too. And it is indeed admirable to love someone in spite of their faults, but the things you've described, to me, point to something going on in your mom's life that's either hurting her, or the result of something that has hurt her. Either way, it's certainly NOT your fault, and your heart is definitely in the right place. It's clear that you love your mom (and dad) and want peace in your family. I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do.

hey dont really know hwo to help ya but can give ya a few things to help brighten your day

you cant change your mom and you dont have control over the cards your dealt so y ou just gotta play them the best you can

you do you
try to be happy
my mom has pulled the "i should just kill myself" card too
it sucks
but thats her, try to be better than that
u cant control everything, but one thing you can control is your feelings
try to be optimistic, see things on a brighter perspective
if shes pressuring you try to find a way so that inside the pressure is released
so she can still do her thing but inside your happy

hope that helps.

you have to tell your father how you feel and tell him wat is going on...

hey man im sorry to hear about your parental issues. i have a son of my own and we parents are not infallible my wife spends 4-6 hours a day facespacing she spends so much time there i have sworn off the social networking sites since it takes away from actual socialization.

My son brought this to my attention so i set aside a family day. a day where we do stuff as a family we make suggestions on what to do take votes and try to enjoy being a family. We do this regularly because as kids grow up more and more they are off doing they're own thing. Its important for parents and kids alike to touch base and reconnect with those roots to keep and encourage positive growth.

so. Talk to your dad about your concerns and feelings. Parents really really appreciate honesty. as far as your other problems well my mother in law is a bit um off. not crazy precisely but she cant seem to grasp that our son is no longer a baby. she still tries to change his clothes and wash him or brush his teeth. Parents sometimes have difficulty watching their kids grow up.

The best advise has already been said. Ive dealt with my mom my grandmother my mother-in law and my grandmother in laws during menopausal periods (cant believe i just said menopausal periods lol) anyway escape man. Get a job, take up an outdoor hobby, study in the library if you have to.

As everyone has said before, props to you. I have never had a very good mother-daughter relationship either. My mom and I have been fighting ever since I can remember. You are very strong, and I praise that. I remember quite a few times my mom had caused me to run away quite a few times. Even one time, I had gotten into a fight with my mother, and I called my friend Kara to pick me up, and it was 7:00 PM and mom was freaking out, because I had therapy the next morning and I was staying the night. So she stormed out onto the porch and told me how much of a burden I was to her and how much I ruined her life. As I said before, you're a very strong young woman, and you just hang in there.

my yahoo is: ruthrodmetz@yahoo.com
or you can PM me anytime if you need anything at all

Take care <3