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So I started my little adventure of my life which was all started by trance music. I then found a fascination with GSC. i met alot of people on gsc and eventually finnaly went to my first rave.

I had alot of friends friends I didnt even know I had.

Then I met this guy. I didnt really like him at first but then he kinda grew on me. I eventually fell in love with him. I dated him for about 2 years but then seriously had to abandon the relationship due to substance abuse issues that caused days and months of fighting.

I now have ended up with whats called bi-polar disorder or manic depression.

I wouldnt exactly blame it on e nor would i blame it on e at all.

just many experimentations i did during my younger years most likely led me to this.

after I had broken up with the guy I eventually ended up loosing my best friend. To this day im not exactly clear on what happened or why she never wanted to see me again but she sent me a letter that came out of nowhere and didn't even expect it that was just a bunch of put downs.

I eventually realized that I lost the only person in my life who actually understood me.

after this event my life completely went down hill.

I started partying more and loosing more and more friends.

( I used to be really shy but now i have totally breaken out of my shell)


After what felt like emotional agony I discovered to finnaly come out with my sexual identity.


this actually happened after the guy i met.


so what im asking is how does someone recover from loosing the best friends in their life?

How can you get your life back on path from a complete disaster crash to where its manageable.


I always though i was going to be going to university and living in a dorm. I wanted to become a doctor. Now that i realize that will never happen it just feels like all my dreams have shattered and fallen apart.

My dad has bipolar disorder. I've seen what it can do and I hope I am not wrong in saying I have an idea of what you are going through. Though I do not have bipolar, I am apparently at risk of developing it (prolly won't stop me from trying e, though) and I do know what its like to have moments where all hope feels lost.

The only advice I can give is to hang in there. Things may seem bad now, but tomorrow will always be another day. The important thing is to find friends to support you and keep you going when you feel like you can't do it alone. That's the beauty of the internet and places like GSC. You can always find support here. and I can try and be that friend if that is what you want.

Why do you feel that you cannot get into a university?